


Ruby

by noahcomemidnight



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Destroying Childhood Memories, Drinking, Drunk Brendon Urie, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Feels, Friendship/Love, Hearing Voices, Help, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Love, M/M, Members of Fall Out Boy, Mentions Of Blurryface, Minor Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz, Not A Fix-It, Past Relationship(s), Past Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Please Don't Hate Me, Relationship(s), Sad Josh Dun, Sad Tyler Joseph, Song Lyrics, Strained Friendships, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Underage Drinking, What Have I Done, Writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2018-10-25 00:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10752897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahcomemidnight/pseuds/noahcomemidnight
Summary: Tyler Joseph is struggling through university, as well as a haunting past of emotional abuse with a past lover, and a voice inside his head that caters to his fears in a low, blurry-static tone.Basically imagine all of the people listed look the same but... a bit younger in the face.TRIGGER WARNINGS: homosexual slurs, underage drinking, drowning in self-hatred, and fleeting mentions of suicide. Will continue to update these warnings as I see fit.





	1. ...Ruby?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [samxel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samxel/gifts).



> Hey frens, this is my for work ever on this ao3 platform, so please assist me with errors along the way. I have a holy crap ton of works on fanfiction.net under the same name but they're all from years ago (yikes).
> 
> Also a side note: I am a small innocent Jew, and because of my religion, I bleep out the Lord's name.
> 
> I've been writing this for the past two months, but have had the idea for a lot longer. I'll try and update once or twice a week, but I'm not sure about scheduling with tournaments and exams and stuff.

The evening was crisp and clean- rid of all G-dforsaken pollen, a breeze gently touselling passerby's loose clothing and hair. Autumn had officially started- another year of university that Tyler was more than willing to drop out of. Tyler was a musician, not a page turner. He was a singer, not a businessman.

He wished he hadn't been so turned on to the idea of being a musician, but He was responsible for encouraging Tyler to pursue that passion.

The person who had influenced Tyler went by a many nicknames, but Blossom had been the one that fit best, the name having fit His pastel pink curls of hair. His soft, dark eyes had pulled Tyler into a trance, leading them to be friends at age seven, and lovers from age fourteen until the end of high school, at age eighteen. They were inseparable- always touching in some way, even in front of their homophobic parents, who thought nothing of the best friends. They were a spark that evolved into a raging fire that burned out all too fast.  
Head over heels in senior year led to their first and only argument. The close of the school term came about, bringing only the stress of exams and strain upon their relationship. How would they continue to be together over a heart-wrenching distance of over six hours of driving?  
Blossom had suggested that Tyler avoid university and drop out to pursue music, or ask to be transferred to His college. His delicate boyfriend almost convinced him, had he not snapped out of His trance, which seemed to come as both a shock and great irritation to his Blossom. Their fight, needless to say, ended with a bang and regretful heartbreak, but neither of them were willing to admit the painful misery in which they wallowed to one another.

It had been three years since Tyler's Blossom, and He still would occasionally cross his mind or haunt his dreams. Even as he was supposed to be having a night on the town with his friend, He was plaguing his thoughts...  
"Tyler, loosen up, man." Brendon clapped him on the back before smoothing back his dark hair and giving Tyler a grin.  
"Sorry Bren, just... a lot going on with the start of the semester."  
"Which is why we're fuckin' barhopping. C'mon, Ty, babe. Bar number four!"  
Brendon used their flirtatious friendship to convince Tyler, and the younger succumbed to the familiarity of it all, following his minimally tipsy friend across a street. Tyler glanced up at a dimly lit sign that read, 'The Røcktøp', but many of the lights had burned out or were flickering wildly, leaving the sign to read, 'The Rø tøp' instead.  
Tyler felt his stomach twist uncomfortably.  
"Bren, this is the sleaziest nightclub that will outdo any major city in this entire state."  
"Then I'll get our fuckin' drinks. You just sit there and look cute or somethin', which isn't hard for you."  
Tyler only took in a deep breath in response, before following Brendon in through the front door. Bodies filled most every crevice, and the scent of must, sweat, booze, and sex caused Tyler's head to whirl. Anxiety gripped his stomach as he blindly stumbled after his friend to find seats at the bar. Tyler pulled out his small handheld notepad from the back of his jeans and the pen that accompanied it, before cracking it open to stare at his scrawls. His lyric writing helped soothe his shot nerves, and he flipped to a clean page, attempting to clear his mind of anxiety and his reminiscence of his Blossom.

_'Blossom I hope I see you, I've waited all this week_  
_For you to walk my way, your soul will capture me._  
_Your momma painted your room a shade of pink, she said_  
_But with'_

Tyler paused when the incessant banging of drums filled his brain. A scowl formed upon his face, and he turned toward the shitty excuse for a stage, where the next band was beginning to play a song. Most of the bands that played here hailed from towns nearby, or from the nearest states- usually from West Virginia or Pennsylvania. They were fairly local and travelled in the near areas, having been around. This band, however, didn't look like they were from anywhere close by.  
"We're goin' down, down in an earlier round, and sugar, we're goin' down swingin'..."  
Tyler glanced at the band up on stage. A few guys that were around his age looked like an awkward kitchen sink of chaos, what with one bassist, two guitarists, and two people on one set of drums.  
"How the ever loving fuck are they hittin' the skins and tappin' the shit at the same time?" Brendon wondered incredulously, genuine amazement and curiosity written across his face.  
Tyler craned his neck to get a good look at the two drummers. Both were sporting red hair, though the one was obviously natural compared to his partner, who sported a deep dyed red upon his curls. They were playing in sync, much to Tyler's amazement, but had different body movements, however, that truly separated the two. The natural ginger was focused on his drumming, occasionally glancing up to check on his band members, while the other just kept his head down for the most part, up until the finale of the song, when he lifted his head.  
Tyler felt the wind physically leave his chest as if he had been punched by some unseen force. He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Terror gripped his heart and his hands grew clammy as a sweat broke over his body. His vision grew hazy and black around the edges, not knowing what to do as he gazed at the man with the deep red curls. But they were by no means a stark red, no, they were a darker red. Not exactly maroon, but not exactly the colour of blood. They were more of a...  
Tyler turned back toward his notebook and fixed his writing.

_'Ruby I hope I see you, I've waited all this week_  
_For you to walk my way, your soul will capture me._  
_Your momma painted your room a shade of pink, she said_  
_But with your great arrival, that shade has turned to red'._


	2. Stay In Your Lane, Bren

"Hit me."  
"Babe, I've never seen you like this. 'S fuckin' dope!" Brendon let out a high pitched laugh, and Tyler threw back an eighth shot of G-d knows what, letting out a small laugh as well.  
Tyler turned slightly more toward Brendon as his Blossom, no, Ruby sat next to him unsuspectingly.  
"Have I ever told you? You look fuckin' great with makeup, babe." Brendon slurred, grasping a fistful of Tyler's floral button up, as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded.  
"Sing to me." Came the sudden, whispered demand from Brendon, his breath reeking of booze, and his lips brushing Tyler's ear.  
"Oh, Mrs. Believer, my pretty weeper,  
Your twisted mind is like snow on the road.  
Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder  
Inside your head, than the winter of dead..."  
"Damn. Babe, your voice is heavenly. Wonder what it would sound like in bed..."  
Tyler felt his face burn, knowing that Brendon's level of horny had reached its peak, and that he would try and seduced anyone that moved. Including Tyler.  
"Bren, you've had too much to-" Tyler was cut off by a small squeak that rose from his throat as Brendon placed sloppy kisses down his jaw and neck. It wasn't like he hadn't seen Brendon act like this before, but it had never been Tyler being lured into his friend's drunken trap.  
"Babe, you're so fuckin' cute. I could take you right here, right no-"  
"Brendon, I'm getting the check and we are going back to our  
dorm."  
Brendon let out a desperate whine, an unfamiliar sound that caused Tyler's heart to stop and his blood to run cold.  
"I can't wait, Ty. I've waited almost four fuckin' years and gotten wasted on so many men but I just want you. I can't fuckin' do this anymore!"  
Tyler felt his body freeze up entirely as Brendon's words struggled to register in his slightly intoxicated mind. Surely he could just ignore his friend's wasted rambling as he usually did, but something about Brendon's oddly specific period of time of 'waiting' for Tyler left his mind reeling.  
"B-But you and Ryan..." Tyler stuttered numbly, and Brendon barked out a laugh.  
"G-d no! I only had him 'cause of his face that reminded me of you."  
Tyler felt his heart drop. Ryan had been head over heels for Brendon over their whirlwind of a ten month relationship, while Brendon seemed to barely feel anything. Brendon had broken Ryan's heart and not looked back... it was all beginning to make sense.  
"Bren, I-I am flattered, really. I'm just not ready-"  
"You've been pining for me, don't deny it! We got all of our tattoos together, and you've held my fuckin' hand! I flirt with you and you return the favour! You've been here for me through everything, and I've seen that fuckin' look in your eyes! I've even fuckin' kissed your cheek before and you don't mind!"  
"You're drunk."  
"Fuckin' hypocrite! You just downed how many shots-?"  
"We're going to our dorm. C'mon, Bren."  
Brendon dejectedly stood, and Tyler was about to begin guiding him back through the bar, before Brendon turned. Gentle lips pressed against his, and a booze-laden tongue entered his mouth for a brief moment, before the pressure upon his lips disappeared entirely. Tyler opened his eyes to find a sheepish Brendon kicking his shoes at the floorboards, and Tyler shot him a small smile. He knew what it was like to withhold pent-up feelings for someone.  
"Your face is so fuckin' kissable." Was all that Brendon muttered, and Tyler let out a small laugh.  
"You reek of booze."  
"You fuckin' taste like booze, too. And nicotine. And cinnamon. And fuckin' flowers." Brendon's brows furrowed, before speaking once more. "Tyler Joseph, you're a G-d."  
Tyler caught the movement of those ruby curls turning toward him, and he glanced back at Brendon. Sweat was making Tyler's tee shirt cling to him, and his hands grew clammy, despite his poor attempts at casually wiping his sweaty palms upon his black jeans.  
"That I am not, Brendon."  
Tyler felt his waist being seized by Brendon, before his friend leaned close to his ear and his hands slid a bit too close to Tyler's ass for his liking.  
"Do not ever underestimate yourself. You're a fuckin' legend, babe, and you are miles above everyone else in this shit hole. You have talent, Ty, and you should never let the tiny voice in the back of your head keep you from being dope."  
Tyler nodded, finding himself mute for the moment. He did have a voice in his head, but it was by no means 'tiny'. It lurked, waiting for the right time to prowl, and it drowned out Tyler's fantasy of normality, trading it for the realism and the terrors that lie beneath its surface. The voice was deep, commanding, and it suffocated Tyler from the inside out, but it wasn't clear. It always sounded as if the voice was hiding behind something- it was almost static sounding, or blurry in a sense.  
Tyler could start to feel his thoughts being clenched and the voice pouncing...  
"Ty, babe, d'ya wanna go get a tattoo with me?"  
Tyler glanced up at Brendon, who still held him close, blinking a few times.  
"Ty, you aren't as fine as you seem."  
"P-Pardon?" Tyler shook his head, managing a forced smile. "I- yeah, I'm down for another tattoo."  
"Fuckin' dope." Brendon gave him a drunken grin, letting go of Tyler and instead, swinging an arm about his shoulder. "I'm thinkin' Frank Sinatra on my inner arm. You?"  
"Uh..." Tyler glanced at himself. He already had a cross on his shoulder, created by the placement of what looked like two 'i's, as well as a thick band near his elbow, and a thin band upon his wrist. "I might just do another thin band around my wrist."  
The first band about his wrist was to replace the rubber band that he wore about his wrist as a coping mechanism for his self-harm. He no longer felt urges, but he had back in the day, and would snap the rubber band against his skin until it was raw and pink, and the urge passed. The second thin band would represent his continued struggles and the constant war waging in his head against the blurry voice.  
"Alright, let's go then, babe." Brendon stumbled over himself as the slightly less intoxicated Tyler Joseph walked beside him, leaving The Røcktøp behind them, as well as a small, pocket sized leather notebook upon the bar top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have twelve chapters of this written, and they're mostly quickies like this one, but I swear I'll get more in depth as things get more interesting.
> 
> xoxo, noah


	3. Behind The Sea (Of Anxiety)

Tyler woke to the blinding light of the sun, his head throbbing and his mouth parched. His stomach churned, and for a long while, he found himself unable to move. He also felt a weight upon his chest that caused him to be stationary.  
The weight upon his chest was none other than Brendon Urie, mouth slack and drooling slightly. Tyler was unsure of how the fuck he ended up pinned to the bed under Brendon's weight, but any explanation was plausible as the events of the night before slowly unblurred.  
Some shitty band was playing. A kitchen sink of performers. Ruby curls. Shots. Bren confessing his undying love. Arguing. Tattoos. Stumbling to their dorm.  
Tyler closed his eyes and furrowed his brows, fighting back waves of nausea as a result of both the events from the night prior and the amount of alcohol that he had drank the night before. Tyler prayed that he didn't end up in this shitty situation again.

Come ten at night, however, Tyler found himself at The Røcktøp once more in the company of Brendon, yet again. These were different circumstances than the night prior, however, as Tyler found himself beside his dear friend on the shitty stage where he had seen his Ruby the night before. The thought of Tyler's newly ruby-curled daydream and nightmare caused his stomach to twist, along with the fact that quite a few people from the crowd were already watching him and Brendon expectantly.  
A reassuring hand of a minimally tipsy Brendon touched his shoulder reassuringly, before the black haired beauty leaned close to the microphone to charm the crowd that was actually giving them their undivided attention.  
"H-Hey guys, how are we all doin' tonight?"  
There came a swell of mutterings, before an eerie hush fell over the night club that was now seemingly dead of all its previous life. Before Brendon could continue, a wolf call came from the bar, earning a ripple of laughter from the club-goers.  
"Tonight I'm playing an old piece of mine called, 'Northern Downpour'. The first time I was up on this stage, I played that song, but with... someone who... fuck it." Brendon muttered, before shaking his head and glancing back at Tyler. "What's past is done, and I am joined tonight by a dear friend of mine. So here is 'Northern Downpour'."  
Brendon looked away and cleared his throat, before turning away from the podium to sit on the piano bench next to Tyler. Tyler shifted awkwardly, and after a moment, Brendon gave him a small nod. They struck the chords and tickled the old, worn down ivories in unison.  
"Before my life was but a dream,  
Fantastic posing greed,  
And we should feed our jewellery to the sea,"  
"For diamonds do appear to be,  
Just like broken glass to me." Tyler finished softly.  
The two switched parts throughout the song, Tyler most often singing parts that used to belong to Ryan Ross, Brendon's whirlwind boyfriend of ten months who had been utterly devoted and lovesick. The relationship had ended with a bang, and Tyler noticed that almost a year and a half later, Brendon was still picking up the pieces. It had come to Tyler's attention the night prior that Brendon never truly returned the feelings of hopeless romanticism toward Ryan, for he dated Ryan because he had similar traits to Tyler himself. Brendon had been pining for Tyler the entire ten months he had been with another man, and realised only after the fact of the breakup, that Ryan had a special place in Brendon's heart, even if he wasn't in love with the other boy. But he had screwed up any other chances with Ryan, including even pursuing a friendship.

By the time the song had ended, Brendon was... smiling. It was a mixture of his genuine, small smile where his eyes crinkled, and the tipsy, flirtatious grin where his eyes glittered. Tyler was relieved, yet also slightly disconcerted, to the point where he almost missed Brendon clapping his back.  
"Your turn, babe."  
Tyler froze, before remembering the bargain he'd struck with Brendon earlier today- if Brendon performed Northern Downpour, then Tyler would also perform something. Fuck. Why had he agreed with Brendon?  
He sighed softly and shakily rose from the piano bench, approaching the microphone with dread. He gripped it tightly with clammy hands, his heart racing and his mouth going dry. He didn't know what to say, but would anyone listen, anyway? The night club had already returned to the body bustling cacophony of chaos, so Tyler just pulled up a stool and sat upon the shitty stage, ukulele in hand. He began to strum chords softly, his strumming putting him at ease.  
"I do not know why I would go  
In front of you and hide my soul.  
'Cause you're the only one who knows it,  
Yeah you're the only one who knows it."  
Tyler took a breath and continued through the next few stanzas and the chorus, trying to avoid the fact that the entire night club had fallen silent.  
You know what?  
Fuck it.  
Tyler stopped and tossed his ukulele to Brendon, before gripping the microphone upon its stand.  
"I can't see past my own nose, I'm seeing everything in slo-mo  
Look out below crashing down to the ground just like a vertical locomotive.  
That's a train. Am I painting the picture that's in my brain?  
A train from the sky, locomotive, my motives are insane.  
My flow's now great, okay, I conversate with people  
Who know if I flow on a song. I'll get no radio play  
While you're doing fine, there's some people and I  
Who have a really tough time getting through this life  
So excuse us while we sing to the sky."  
Tyler's face turned pink from his sudden outburst, and he gingerly took his ukulele back from Brendon to finish his song. Even after he finished, the club was quiet, yet the voice inside his head seemed louder than ever.  
**_Nice attempt at conquering your nerves, but now everyone is staring. Eyes boring into your soul. Trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you..._**  
Fuck, the static-sounding, blurry voice was right.  
Tyler removed himself and gathered his ukulele case, clambering fearfully off the stage. His eyes were burning and his throat was closing about the sharp lump that had formed.  
"Ty, babe?"  
Tyler turned to find Brendon, who suddenly sobered at the sight of his broken Tyler before him. He instinctively pulled his brown haired beauty into a hug, to which Tyler responded by burying his face into Brendon's chest whilst clutching at his shirt and holding back sobs.  
"Ty, hey, babe." Brendon stroked Tyler's hair, shushing his friend gently, before continuing to speak soothingly. "I made a dick move to challenge you and perform, but you did fantastically. And shit, you can throw down some dope rhymes."  
Tyler managed a halfhearted laugh, loosening his grip on Brendon's favourite tee shirt with The Ramones logo upon it.  
"Babe, you know what'll get your mind off this? A drink. It's on me."  
Tyler could only nod, thinking that Brendon's proposal implied that they were on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to my dear fren Sam, who has been my symbiotic partner for two years, now. I owe them more than I have to offer, and I am honestly so grateful for them.  
> xoxo, noah


	4. Together, Let's Breathe

The bass was causing the club to quake, and bodies were occupying every crevice and square inch of space available. It was almost like they were in Vegas, with neon lights adorning the dimly lit area, reckless bets being placed upon games of chance, and no clocks or any indication of time, including windows. It was probably the early hours of the morning by now, yet no one seemed to pay any mind toward the time, but rather, the fact that empty glasses in their hands had been filled just minutes earlier...

Tyler had already downed more than just 'a drink', as Brendon proposed he have earlier. Brendon had also had more than just the drink just after Tyler's performance, having become mindbogglingly wasted in less than a half of an hour.

Brendon was somewhere not too far off, placing bets on who could throw back the most shots without passing out. Tyler, on the other hand, was mentally listing off who would be seduced and dragged off to a private room next. He watched as a girl who quite literally looked like some sort of alternative version of a porcelain doll made off with a girl with boyishly shirt blue hair and long lashes, before making another mental check mark.

"Hey, kid. I think this is yours."

Tyler stiffened at the voice that came from next to him, glancing up to find a rather muscular guy with a many tattoos and dark roots poking out from under his dyed blonde hair. In his hand was Tyler's small black leather notebook, causing Tyler's heart rate to falter- he hadn't realised he had left it somewhere to begin with.

"I- uh... When- Where did you find this?" Tyler forced himself not to snatch his notebook from the man, becoming anxious at the sudden idea that the guy had most likely flipped through it.

"One of my bandmates found it last night." The guy said, and Tyler recognised him as the bassist from the kitchen sink of people upon stage the night prior. Tyler glanced over the guy's shoulder to find the rest of the guy's band standing about and arguing with such vehemence over a topic unknown. Among those people was a crinkly-eyed grinning guy with tattoos and unmistakable deep red curls...

"Thanks, uh-"

"Pete."

"Y-Yeah, thanks, Pete."

"No problem, kid, but you should really be thanking Josh- he's the one who found your book." Pete nodded over toward the guy with the red curls.

Ruby.

"I would, but I- uh..." Tyler wracked his brain for an excuse, "My friend, he, uh..."

"Nice try, kid." Pete turned and approached his band, speaking to Ruby and gesturing toward Tyler. Tyler lowered his head in shame and mindlessly picked at some of the engravings upon the bar top.

He didn't look up as he requested another shot, and didn't so much glance at the person who took a seat next to him. In his peripheral vision, he could see ruby curls...

Tyler clutched his shot glass tightly, throwing back the G-d awful alcohol that burned his throat. He slammed the glass down on the bar top and grabbed his notebook, rising from his barstool only to feel a hand grab his wrist. A shock was sent through Tyler's body, stomach beginning to churn and the hand upon his wrist burning skin.

"Let me buy you a drink."

Before Tyler could respond or even turn to look his Ruby in the face after three years, Brendon approached, leaving Tyler to think of his friend as nothing less than a saviour.

"Babe, 'm fuckin' tired. Let's 'ave a smoke 'n then head back." Brendon slurred, an empty beer bottle in hand. As he pulled out a cigarette for himself and dangled it between his lips, his gaze shifted to where Tyler's wrist was being held by Ruby. Brendon's eyes flashed with discontent and mild anger, before he seemingly sobered and confronted Ruby.

"Hands off my man, asshole. Tyler Robert Joseph is mine, even if he doesn't love me back, so paws off my friend." Brendon ripped Ruby's hand off of Tyler's wrist, pulling Tyler close and shielding him protectively. From over Brendon's shoulder, Tyler could make out Ruby's slack jaw and dumbfounded expression, his dark eyes soft and almost reminiscent. He was still as beautiful as Tyler remembered, if not better looking now. His chocolate eyes flashed in recognition and his brows furrowed, leading his cute nose with a piercing in it to scrunch up as well.

"T-Tyler Joseph-?"

"My babe, my honey bun, my friend." Brendon smiled fondly and turned slightly to pat Tyler's head affectionately. "I protect this guy at all costses. 'Innit, Ty?"

Brendon placed a kiss to Tyler's forehead, and Ruby just blinked in shock.

"Tyler is a good man. I just... made the wrong decision to break up with him." Ruby muttered softly, and Brendon narrowed his eyes, his mood taking a complete turn as he began scowling.

"So you're the one who hurt him." Brendon growled, lunging toward Ruby, but Tyler held him back by wrapping his arms about Brendon's waist.

"Bren," Tyler murmured into where he had buried his face in Brendon's back, "'M hungry, can we go to Taco Bell?"

Tyler could feel Brendon relax in his hold, and he placed his hands gently upon where Tyler's were wrapped around his waist.

"Anything for you, babe."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those two girls Tyler saw go off into a corner? Melanie Martinez and Halsey, the babes. I'll be adding some more subtle band-related easter eggies as I continue through. Also, 'Thanks Pete'.


	5. I'm No Good Without You

"Gave the kid his book back." Pete clapped him on the back, gesturing where the kid was sitting at the bar, head hung heavily. "Buy that sweet thing a drink. He needs one."  
Josh hesitantly approached the guy, who didn't so much as glance his way. The guy was just how Josh remembered from the night prior- smooth honey milk skin with paradoxically bold, black tattoos. His hair was shaven on the sides, yet a fluffy chestnut on top that was wild, out of control, and desperately in need of a trim, as it was sticking up in varying directions. He wore a grey button up with black skinny jeans, accentuating his rather small, yet toned build. This kid couldn't be more than an innocent teenager, yet he sat before Josh gripping a shot glass as if it was his life, and easily tossing back the alcohol with a fluid motion, not so much as grimacing. The kid slammed his glass upon the bar top with more force than Josh expected from the brown haired beauty. Josh noticed as the kid began to collect his things and turned to depart, leaving Josh's heart racing, before he made his decision.  
He never had seen the kid's face, and never would unless he did something about it.  
Fuck it.  
Josh gently took hold of the kid's tiny wrist, which was rather cold to the touch, as well as the fact that it was textured with scars...  
"Let me buy you a drink."  
Josh prayed his voice was level, despite the lump in his throat and the drumming of his heart against his ribcage. The kid tensed, flinching at Josh's sudden hold upon him, when another guy approached the bar. The man had dark hair in a messy gel fashion, drawing attention to his rather large forehead and dark features. His shirt was half unbuttoned, a beer bottle in his hand as he made his way over.  
"Babe, 'm fuckin' tired. Let's 'ave a smoke n then head back." The guy slurred, grabbing a cigarette and placing it between his lips as he glanced up adoringly at the kid Josh had admired from afar. This kid already had a boyfriend? Fuck, ever since after high school, everyone he chased after was either taken or straight...  
"Hands off my man, asshole. Tyler Robert Joseph is mine, even if he doesn't love me back, so paws off my friend."  
Josh felt his heart sink, yet electricity sparked through his veins with guilt. The dark featured man with the forehead was glaring at him with fury, ripping Josh's hand off the kid before proceeding to shield him protectively. The kid's face poked over forehead's shoulder, rendering Josh breathless- his dark pooling cocoa eyes and shell pink lips were like nothing Josh had ever seen before. The kid's soft features were a sharp contrast to his protector's, and the forehead's words echoed through his mind.  
_"Hands off my man, asshole. Tyler Robert Joseph is mine, even if he doesn't love me back, so paws off my friend."_  
So the guy was in love with this kid who didn't reciprocate the same feelings?  
But more importantly, the kid's name.  
"T-Tyler Joseph-?"  
"My babe, my honey bun, my friend." The protector of the kid smiled fondly and turned slightly to pat the kid's head affectionately. "I protect this guy at all costses. 'Innit, Ty?"  
He placed a kiss to Tyler's forehead, and Josh could only bring  
himself to blink in shock.  
Tyler. Robert. Joseph.  
Josh had dated this exact kid years ago, but never had he seen Tyler like this. The Tyler he had dated was smaller and never joined social scenes like this. But this Tyler- the one that stood before him- was nothing short of a miracle. In the years that Josh hadn't seen him, Tyler had toned and tanned, becoming an innocent, wide-eyed kitten in a shitty night club. Josh wanted nothing more than to apologise until his voice was hoarse and his knees were numb from kneeling for so long before the kid, but his body remained frozen, before gaining the courage to speak softly.  
"Tyler is a good man. I just... made the wrong decision to break up with him."  
'Made a wrong decision' was a colossal understatement- Josh had regretted doing such to this very day. He had given Tyler a very selfish and unfair choice to make, a choice that Josh wished he had never made the poor kid make. He had been left painfully and inhumanely hollow, seemingly dead after their devastating departure from one another's lives.  
Fuck, Josh would do anything to make it up to the kid.  
The kid's protector, however, would not be making things easy for him. His face was pulled into a frightening scowl, causing Josh's heart rate to plummet and his fingers to twitch in fear.  
"So you're the one who hurt him." His voice was velvety and laced with murder, seeping with disgust. The guy attempted to lunge Josh, and he prepared himself for the beating of a lifetime, before realising that the guy was being held back by Tyler Robert Joseph himself.  
"Bren," Tyler murmured in such a gentle voice that Josh almost missed it, "'M hungry, can we go to Taco Bell?"  
The protector of Tyler sent him a dreamy smile, placing his hands upon where Tyler's had wrapped about the guy's waist.  
"Anything for you, babe." Came the genuine response, and Josh felt his heart sink.  
This guy, 'Bren', could give Tyler more than Josh ever could- more combined than what Josh had once had and what he currently had. Bren even passed Tyler a cigarette, and he accepted it, dangling the pale, toxic stick between his carnation pink lips.  
Fuck.  
At one point in high school, Josh had wanted to experiment with nicotine and drugs of the sort, and had offered Tyler a cigarette, who had politely turned him down. What had happened to Tyler's innocence? Had Tyler just had a shit hand dealt to him in their years apart, leading him to drugs? What were those large, innocent kitten features hiding from him?  
Whatever had happened, despite Josh's yearning to know, was Tyler's business. Tyler's business was also sporting a dark featured man by his side, to which Josh could never compare. He watched as the two waltzed away, leaving Josh alone at the mahogany bar top to wallow in his sorrows. Technically, he wasn't meant to be here, but he and his bandmates had wanted a break in a paradoxically quiet, yet excitable town, so this is where they had settled. Had they not stayed here, Josh would never have had to worry about Tyler again, and he could be a thing of the past. Now, however, Josh was determined to take Tyler back and beg for a second chance; he would beg and plead, wailing about how he was hollow, and that no one would ever be like he was and is. He would tell Tyler that he is the missing piece from Josh's puzzle, and that no other piece can ever replace the hole where his heart had once been.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey frens, I apologise for inconsistent, shit formatting. I am switching between mobile and web posting, and I am also unfamiliar with ao3 formatting, as I come from a different platform that had only one format regardless of the version you were using. Sorry about that.  
> Thanks to the frens who have commented and to those who have placed kudos! I honestly appreciate it, and I hope you guys have a great day!


	6. Fear Leads To Anxiety

Tyler couldn't be bothered to take off his shoes as he collapsed upon his shitty dorm room bed. Tonight had been emotionally and physically exhausting, draining his energy, and sapping anything he had left hidden away, including dark memories he tried so hard to forget.

"Babe, who was that asshole?" Brendon sat next to him upon his bed, gently taking his shoes off so as not to disturb Tyler too much.

"Josh." Was all Tyler mumbled into his pillow, the name leaving a bitter taste upon his tongue and a sharp lump in his throat.

"Like your cactus?"

Tyler nodded, having named his cactus after Josh because he was a fucking prick. Currently, however, Tyler had conflicting feelings toward the ruby haired beauty. Fuck, those deep mocha eyes drew him into a trance more than he'd like to admit, mesmerising him with fruitless possibilities of a new future together...

But Tyler knew this would never happen. Josh had left him, taking a piece of him he could never reclaim. Why would Josh want him any more now than he had all those years ago? The answer was simple:

**_How could anyone like him love someone like you?_ **

 

The morning following began with searing headaches of white hot pain, and enough ibuprofen to put the nearest CVS pharmacy to shame. Brendon and Tyler somehow managed to make it out of the dorm looking somewhat decent to grab a coffee at the nearest café, sitting at a patio table. The sunlight warmed Tyler's skin, but not to the point where he was uncomfortable. A cool breath of a breeze would occasionally graze his cheeks, and make leaves tumble from trees on to the pavement.

It was a nice day to sit outside, and as the cute waiter brought them their drinks, Tyler glanced over the guy's shoulder and nearly dropped his mug. Just four tables away sat ruby curls, accompanied by a guy with chocolate fringe and an odd looking mohawk. The two were in deep conversation, and Tyler almost wondered what they were talking about, before he heard a strained noise come from Brendon. When Tyler turned, he found Brendon's eyes full of fury and his jaw set, who then proceeded to stand sharply from his seat, releasing his coffee mug toward the concrete in the process. Tyler stood as well, making his way around the small table to assist Brendon, trying to avoid the resounding smashing of the ceramic mug upon the pavement. From four tables over, ruby and his accomplice turned to stare, making Brendon freeze up next to Tyler, and making Tyler follow in suit.

"Babe, I-I-" Brendon broke off, his eyes glazing over and his breathing coming out more ragged as he gripped Tyler's hand tightly. His gaze was trained on Ruby's friend, who Tyler recognised was none other than Ryan Ross.

"Bren, let's go." Tyler muttered softly, resting his free hand on Brendon's jaw and placing a delicate kiss upon his friend's cheek in reassurance. Tyler gently began guiding Brendon away after leaving some cash on the table for their drinks, before heading back to their dorm.

 

Night three at the bar was not intended, and was significantly different from the past two nights they had been in. Tonight, Brendon was staring blankly at the bar, throwing back shots and drinking scotch, whilst Tyler soothed his distraught friend. Brendon would suddenly burst out sobbing spontaneously, to which Tyler pulled him into hugs and Brendon clutched on to him for dear life.

"This is why I am in love with you, Ty. You're my rock." Brendon mumbled at one point, his comment almost lost in Tyler's pastel button up.

Tyler just stroked his friend's hair wordlessly. He didn't know why Brendon felt this way toward him, what with having broken down on him innumerable times since his split with Josh or waking up from night terrors screaming bloody murder...

**_Brendon is just trying to make you feel important, but remember this: You're not._ **

Tyler shook his head, the static-sounding blurry voice lacing through his mind. Brendon placed a hand on Tyler's shoulder in misguided sympathy.

"Don't shake your head. You are fuckin' amazing babe, and I-I don't know what I'd do without you." Brendon placed a wet, sloppy kiss of affection to Tyler's temple, a bittersweet smile playing at his lips.

"I'm not, Bren, but thanks. The... blurry static voice doesn't think I'm worth it either." Tyler muttered sheepishly, adding in the second part at the last moment after some hesitation. 

Tyler had spoken to Brendon before about the voice in his head, and in turn, Brendon had spoke of his ADHD. On the particularly bad days they had, they often balanced one another out and somehow maintained sanity, for which Tyler was thankful.

"The voice can go fuck itself, Ty. You are a blessing to this earth, and I'll fuck up anyone who says otherwise."

_**He's lying. You're not worth it, and you never will be.** _

"Fuck." Tyler dug at his eyes, and Brendon encased him in a hug, stroking his hair delicately.

"Babe, I love you so much." Brendon kissed his head, and Tyler glanced up through blurry eyes. Brendon wiped the tears off of Tyler's face with the pads of his thumbs, and Tyler had never felt so thankful for a human being.

"I-I really wish I loved you in the same way, Bren." Tyler whispered, regretting his words as more tears flowed down his cheeks.

**_Even if you loved Brendon back, it's all a ruse. No one could ever love you. You're a useless faggo-_ **

Tyler choked out a small sob, removing his fingers from where they were digging into his eyes and throwing them around Brendon. Brendon pulled his small friend in tightly, attempting to shield him from the horrors of the world.

"Ty, you're okay. I'm here."

**_He's going to leave you. Just get rid of him now so it hurts less. Besides, you don't want to be a burden, do you?_ **

"L-Let me go, Bren." Came out as a strained whisper as Tyler attempted to push himself out of Brendon's arms. Brendon wasn't letting him go.

"Let me go, Brendon. Leave me alone."

"Never."

Tyler felt his lungs collapse as claustrophobia gripped him, making him kick and writhe in Brendon's strong arms. Brendon wouldn't let him go.

"LET ME GO! BRENDON! STOP!" Tyler wailed, drawing stares from some of the club goers

"Tyler, I won't let you go through this alone. I-I can't to this without you." Brendon murmured next to Tyler's ear, before pulling him closer to his body. "Breathe, babe. In through the nose, out through the mouth."

Tyler clawed at Brendon's arms. He had to get out. The blurry voice in his head was right, he couldn't burden Brendon any more than he already was. He had to get out. Run until his feet bled and his lungs burned. 

Tyler was relentless, kicking and writhing and clawing and letting out muffled noises of pain. Brendon watched his brown haired beauty struggle, almost seeing the war waging in his mind. Brendon's heart ached at the sight of his handsome boy in so much confliction with his own head.

"Ty, I will tell you every day if I have to. You are worth every second of my time, and I love you more than anything in this world."

Tyler wasn't listening; his cocoa eyes were distant and dead, as if he were a wild animal, looking nothing like the Tyler that Brendon loved so. Brendon turned Tyler back toward him, placing one of his hands upon Tyler's slightly stubbly jaw, while the other was wrapped about his smaller boy's waist. Brendon pressed his lips to Tyler's, savouring the feeling of his pouty lips against Brendon's. He knew Tyler didn't return the same feelings as he did, but he couldn't help himself, especially when Tyler was wild-eyed and drowning in the voice in his mind. He had to shock him emotionally out of this state, even if it meant making him uncomfortable.

Brendon pulled away after a second, shame washing over him, yet also relief; Tyler had stopped struggling, and seemed to be just blankly staring at Brendon.

"Bren, I-I- it's gone." Tyler weakly spoke, and Brendon kissed one of the remaining warm, salty tears from his darling boy's cheek.

"The more you push me away, the more I want to help. S-Sorry for y'know fuckin'... invading your space..." Brendon rubbed his neck awkwardly, and Tyler's cheeks turned a rosy shade of pink.

"M-Maybe one day, I can learn to love you, Bren."

'Maybe' was more than enough for Brendon, and he pushed his luck by quickly pecking Tyler upon the lips, before taking another swig of scotch.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey frens, sorry I didn't mean to take so long to update, but life got in the way. What with prom and AP Hell Weeks, and now, final exams and travel. Again, my apologies for the slow update, but will continue to post at roughly one update per week.  
> xoxo, noah


	7. I'm Standing In Front Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: HOMOSEXUAL SLURS AND SELF HATRED!!!
> 
> Hey frens, sorry I've been gone so long. With travelling and a lot of self-hate in my life, things have been rough. Also all of my chapters were oh my tablet that I couldn't transfer over for a month...

Tyler woke to find sunlight streaming through the curtains, and tattooed arms about his waist, feeling Brendon's face in the crook of his neck. Tyler sighed in content, glad that Brendon had comforted him the night before and agreed to platonic cuddling to ease away any night terrors that might creep up on either of them.  
It was nice to wake up and feel another person's warm body pressed against yours. It brought a fuzzy feeling through Tyler's mind and body, yet underneath the feeling he felt his stomach lurching at the thought of being too close to someone again.  
But that's what emotional abuse did to you.  
Tyler somehow managed to slide out from Brendon's loose grip on him and make his way to the kitchen. From the cramped cabinets Tyler produced two bowls and a box of cereal, but before he could grab spoons for himself and Brendon, there came a knock upon the door. Tyler sighed heavily and ran his fingers tiredly through his messy hair, answering the door.  
Face to face with him was Ruby, who was handing him a pamphlet that was quaking in his hands.  
"I-I- Sorry. Music fest on campus today. My band..." Ruby stuttered, his mocha eyes wide and trying not to look at Tyler.  
"Wha-?" Tyler rubbed his eyes tiredly, before Ruby let out an awkward cough and shoved a pamphlet into Tyler's hands, before turning away and continuing down the hall.  
Only when Tyler closed the door did it occur to him why Ruby was looking everywhere but him. Tyler was in only a pair of black boxers and his sheer floral kimono, leaving his tattoos and scars exposed. No wonder Ruby wouldn't look at him...  
_**You're ugly, don't deny it.**_  
Tyler hung his head as he looked down at himself, feeling his skin itch and his scars burn...  
Fuck.  
Tyler felt warm arms wrap about his waist, a minimally stubbly jaw rest upon his shoulder and lips brushing his ear.  
"Ty, I think you're beautiful."  
Tyler just scoffed and pulled himself out of Brendon's arms. He returned to making cereal for himself and Brendon, the blurry static voice seeping through his mind.  
_**Don't listen to Brendon, he lies. Remember when he told you he 'couldn't be happier' with Ryan? Lies...**_  
"Fuck off." Tyler muttered under his breath, not caring if Brendon heard.  
_**Who could ever love you? Certainly not your parents, seeing as you're tragically a faggot. Definitely not Josh; he'd called you a whore when you told him that one guy looked nice... You should have known he was a player, and maybe Josh wouldn't have had to call you that, but you are a whore anyway. You go pining for guys that are out of your league. Take Josh for example...**_  
Tyler closed his eyes. Deep breaths in. Deep breaths out. In. Out.  
_**Why are you even here? You're not even useful. Brendon just thinks of you as a charity case.**_  
Tyler dropped his bowl of cereal, just staring as it shattered upon the kitchen floor. The bowl had splintered into sharp, white shards, and he couldn't help but think how lovely the pearl colour would contrast against a seeping maroon...  
"Ty," Came the soft, velvety voice of Brendon, who cautiously approached Tyler as if he was some sort of... animal.  
"I am not a charity case, Bren." Tyler spit darkly, and Brendon just furrowed his brows.  
"I- Babe, don't listen to anything the voice says."  
Tyler replied not; he picked up one of the sharp fragments of the bowl, gripping it in his palm as he glared up at Brendon. His friend's face was broken, just like the bowl, his eyes glazed over. Tyler realised he was hurting Brendon.  
Fuck.  
Tyler dropped the shard of the bowl, collapsing in Brendon's arms. He sniffled back sobs, whilst Brendon kissed his head, shushing the shaken chestnut haired boy.  
"Ty, shhh... 's okay. You're fine, babe. I've got you."  
Tyler couldn't make out words- he wanted to leave Brendon so his friend could live a better life, but Brendon looked so hurt.  
_**Do it when you're alone. He won't miss you; he'll forget you.**_  
Tyler just had to be alone.

 

 

 


	8. Misguided Ghost

The day was rather balmy, with the occasional breeze dancing through Tyler's hair and sheer floral kimono. He had since gotten ready for the day and headed to the campus's main square, ukulele in hand, looking to check out the music festival or whatever the hell was going on. Tents and food carts lined the square, and in the centre was a shit stage set up, where many had towels laying out before it, and were sitting upon them. There were a lot more people than Tyler expected- at least a thousand, if not more. Despite his hatred of crowds and desire to be alone, he felt obligated to show up to an enormous music festival on campus, because how often did that happen?  
Tyler slowly picked his way through the crowd, stopping by a few brightly coloured tents to see what all they were selling. A few tables had music lesson brochures, while others had shitty beginner-style dollar store instruments- the kind that were overpriced, out of tune, and would break after a few uses. Instinctively, Tyler clutched his prized ukulele tighter, pulling it closer to himself. A few people watched on, before some chick approached him, her bright orange curls adorned with pastel flowers.  
"Can you actually play that thing, or is it just for decoration?" She smirked, but her voice indicated that she was attempting to be playful, rather than a snarky, downright bitch.  
"I-I can play." Tyler muttered quietly, and the girl blew a large, carnation pink bubble, before popping it with a sharp snap and nodding toward his ukulele expectantly.  
Tyler hesitantly made his way away from the crowd and sat on the concrete curb behind one of the tents, the marmalade haired girl following in suit. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as if he were willing the world to go away, beginning to strum. Before he could help it, he began singing as well.  
_"Wise men say, 'only fools rush in',_  
_But I can't help falling in love with you._  
_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you._  
_Like a river flows, surely to the sea,_  
_Darling so it goes some things were meant to be._  
_Oh, take my hand. Take my whole life too._  
_'Cause I can't help falling in love with you."_  
Tyler stopped strumming, his voice cracking and tears distorting his vision. He wasn't sure why Elvis Presley's 'Can't Help Falling in Love' came to mind, as the last time he had sung it was over three years ago, back when he had been in his relationship with...  
"You're talented, both in singing and playing." The chick smiled genuinely, before blowing another bubble with her gum as she adjusted her Ramones crop top. She stuck out her hand and popped her gum, giving Tyler a warm, yet shy smile.  
"Hayley."  
"T-Tyler." He shook her hand in response, and she sat next to him, sliding her guitar case off of her back, pulling out her acoustic guitar. She began to gently strum the strings of her guitar, humming a bit, before singing softly.  
_"I am going away for a while,_  
_But I'll be back, don't try and follow me,_  
_'Cause I'll return as soon as possible._  
_See, I'm trying to find my place,_  
_But it might not be here where I feel safe._  
_We all learn to make mistakes_  
_And run from them, from them,_  
_With no direction_  
_We'll run from them, from them,_  
_With no conviction._  
_'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts,_  
_Travelling endlessly._  
_Don't need no roads,_  
_In fact, they follow me._  
_And we just go in circles."_  
The marmalade curled girl and her pink accessories, Hayley, were just as paradoxically soft, yet stunning, just like her voice.  
"You're- wow. Fantastic." Was all Tyler managed, a half smile appearing upon his face, and she gave him a small smile in return.  
"Thanks, that means a lot to me."  
Tyler was about to ask her about herself, when a low bass chord was strummed, echoing throughout the campus's square. Hayley stood up immediately and gathered her things, Tyler following.  
"Fall Out Boy is on, I'd know that bass anywhere." She slung her guitar case back on to her back excitedly, and Tyler furrowed his brows.  
"Fall Out Boy?"  
"Yeah, they played at The Røcktøp the other night, and I went. Their bassist, Pete, was a good friend of mine in high school, and it's my dream that one day, my band will be just as good as them, and maybe even share the stage with them." Her jade green eyes sparkled as she began trekking back toward the masses of humanity and toward the shitty excuse for a stage. She waved for Tyler to follow her, and he tagged behind her, praying he somehow didn't lose sight of her marmalade curls among the sea of people.  
Hayley, despite her rather small, slim build, pushed past people with tremendous force, creating a path for Tyler. By the time Tyler realised, they had made it up to the orange cones that stood as a makeshift barricade in front of the speakers and the stage. A police officer stood, and she flashed him something she held in her hand, leaving him giving her a brief nod. Before Tyler could even ask, however, Hayley took his hand and practically dragged him up the stage's steps. They ducked backstage and found dozens of people tuning their instruments and making idle conversation with one another. Some people sat on the ground, an empty beer bottle in the middle of their circle. Hayley spoke to one of the people in the circle, and suddenly, it expanded, making room for Tyler and Hayley. Hayley patted the empty spot next to her, and dread gripped Tyler, his palms growing sweaty as he tried to think of an excuse to not play the cliché party game of 'Spin the Bottle'.  
"It's not what you think." Hayley assured him, reading the terror etched upon his face. "It's a 'get to know you' kinda thing. If the bottle lands on you, you introduce yourself, or if you've already done that, then give some interesting facts about you.'  
Tyler nodded stiffly, sitting next to Hayley, keeping his head down as he just listened to the other people in the circle speak.  
"Hey, my name is Pete. I play bass, and everyone wants me 'n Patrick to date... not sure why."  
There came wolf whistles, but Tyler was too busy focused on the fact that this guy, Pete, had returned Tyler's notebook back to him a few nights prior. So if Pete was the same person from 'Fall Out Boy' that Hayley had spoken about, then that meant...  
The laughter and chatting died down as the bottle was spun again, pointing at someone sitting only a few people away from Tyler.  
"Hey, I'm Josh Dun, and I play the drums. I'm currently playing a bit with Pete and the boys, but I might break off and do my own thing sometime soon..."  
Tyler felt his vision tunnel at the sound of his Ruby's deep, slightly gravelly, yet husky voice. His heart clenched as his breathing grew ragged, when Hayley nudged him gently.  
"It's your turn, Tyler."  
Tyler just shook his head, turning slightly toward Hayley and looking into her soft, understanding eyes.  
**_Y_ ou don't belong here. These are real musicians, not some muck up job like you. Just go ahead and...**  
"Tyler?" Hayley gently rested her nicely manicured fingers upon his shoulder, tracing comforting circles there.  
"M-My name is Tyler Joseph, a-and I, uh..." Tyler broke into a low murmur to just Hayley, "There's a small voice in my head that's telling me to kill myself."  
Before Hayley could respond, Tyler had already begun to stand, but before he could run, someone grabbed his wrist. He turned to look at the person, his vision still static and tunnelled, finding soft mocha eyes locked with his. Ruby curls fell across the guy's forehead, and Tyler felt his breath physically leave him in both fear and, paradoxically, genuine awe.  
"The voice?" Was all Ruby muttered in a barely audible whispered that was carried on the wind. Tyler only managed a stiff head jerk to indicate that yes, the voice was still in his head even after they had broken up.  
Ruby let go of his wrist, and Tyler wanted so desperately to flee, but found himself pinned down under Ruby's gaze, like a butterfly pinned to a cork board. Ruby just held out a hand to him, shooting him a soft, barely-there smile.  
"Follow me instead."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long time before this update. A lot happened. Lost friends, travelled to other countries, almost relapsed. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed.


	9. The WHAT in my WHERE?

Brendon Urie was not a man to be called 'stupid', but turning his back for one split second as he followed Tyler around the crowd?

  
Okay, that wasn't the smartest idea.

  
It's safe to say that when Brendon glanced up from the tent of glittering guitar accessories, he began to freak out. Tyler was no longer beside him; his sweet-faced innocent floral nymph had disappeared. Brendon stood upon his tiptoes to quickly scan the crowd, only to be greeted with unfamiliar faces shooting him odd looks. To be fair, Brendon wasn't fitting in with the 'music fest' aesthetic, what with a grey tank top flaunting off all of his multicoloured tattoos, a backward black snapback, and black skinny jeans with holes in the knees.

  
Brendon tried to avoid the odd stares he received as he began vehemently searching the crowd for his darling nymph. He stopped by tents that had shitty ukuleles and guitars, knowing that Tyler had probably been past there. The guy running the tent was a little chubby, and reminded Brendon of a teddy bear, what with his soft features, light brownish ginger hair, and gentle smile.

  
"H-Hey, uh have you seen a guy walk past here? He has, uh, a flower thing on, round white sunglasses, fluffy hair?"

  
"I sawr that kid." The guy spoke, his voice soft and heavily accented. "'E went that way, with some girl."

 

"Thank you!" Brendon sighed, shaking the guy's hand in gratitude, taking note of his tattoo sleeves.

  
"No problem, mate." His eyes crinkled in an emotion Brendon had no time to process the guy's expression; he set off toward the stage to find Tyler. Pushing past flocks of females, masses of males, and through the general swarm of bodies crowding near the barricade, he caught a glimpse of orange hair and a black floral kimono...  
Brendon's heart leapt into his throat as the pushed his way forward, only to be stopped by some shitty cop who had nothing better to do.

  
"You can't come this way without a pass, kid."

  
"M-My friend in the flower kimono with the round glasses is Tyler Joseph. I've been looking for him."

  
"Yeah right. Beat it, kid."

  
"You don't understand, I need to be with Tyler, he's prone to-"

  
The police officer grabbed him by the arm, about to drag him away, when a screeching and a resounding crack went off. A small firework exploded not too far away, and the cop let go of Brendon, whipping around toward the sound, before sauntering to deal with a more important rule breaker. Just as Brendon climbed the steps leading backstage, a tall, lanky brunette shot him a small smile, winking. Brendon just grinned in return, knowing that the stranger had something, if not everything to do with the explosion.  
As Brendon slipped backstage, he was greeted with the sight of a ruby curled male, one tattooed arm outstretched toward Tyler, as if waiting for the innocent boy to fall back into those abusive hands.

  
"Ty," Brendon whispered gently, so as to not frighten his doe-eyed beauty, who remained motionless. Tyler eventually flinched, and it was away from his emotional abuser, cautiously edging away from the ruby curls and toward Brendon.

  
"He knows about the voice, Bren." Tyler gazed up at him, his soft cocoa eyes full of hope and a bit of... sorrow?

  
Tyler slowly made his way back toward the ruby curled abuser, slipping his dainty honey milk hand into the other's larger, rougher one. The rougher hand curled gently around Tyler's, and Brendon felt his stomach churn as he listened to Tyler seal the deal.

  
"Help me, Josh."

  
Brendon wanted to snatch Tyler away for the sake of keeping him from being broken again. Fuck, Brendon would do anything for Tyler, but he knew not to interject. This was Tyler's choice, and if he turned back to his emotional abuser for help, then fine, but Brendon would be ready to help Tyler the moment things started taking a turn for the worse. After all, Brendon was in love with this kid.

  
Brendon could only watch as Tyler began softly muttering to Josh, leaving Brendon to turn away in both disgust and shame of interrupting the private moment. Brendon began making his way back toward the steps that led off the stage, when the lanky brunette approached him. A ghost of a smile crossing his face, and Brendon blinked, trying to get a better look at the guy. Tall and lanky, yes, with messy brunette hair and stubble along his jaw. His deep, ocean blue eyes were underlined by dark bags, but his eyes themselves were bright and smiling, even if he wasn't.

  
"You know what I like in a guy?" Came his slightly gravelly, yet playful voice.

  
Brendon felt his brows furrow, but a smirk played at his lips. What was this guy trying to illicit? Was he looking for Brendon to say something witty in response? Brendon just shook his head slightly, his mouth slightly open in wordless bewilderment. The guy waltzed over to Brendon, leaning his face down slightly to where his lips brushed Brendon's ear. Brendon felt a shiver run down his spine at the sudden sensual contact, when the brunette whispered something so low, that only after he walked away did Brendon catch what he said.

  
"My dick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been away for a while... stress and strained relationships with /friends/? Anyhow, that guy talking to Brendon that looked like a teddy bear was Ed Sheeran. Also the exchange with Dallon and the 'what I like in a guy' was from a great interview with terrible pickup lines with Bren and Dallon. You're welcome.


	10. Don't

_'Ruby take my hand, please lead me to the promised land._  
_Tell me where am I from? Your eyes say-'_  
  
What did Ruby's eyes say to Tyler? It wasn't like they were telling him anything blatant, but rather, quite the opposite. When Tyler had asked Ruby to help him, those mocha eyes could only be described by a sweet, sunny, beachy tune- suddenly full of warmth, bliss, and light. Tyler's heart had swelled at that look Ruby had given him, and he felt as though everything would be better now, like all lost hope that had been lost was now restored.  
When Ruby had his hand outstretched toward Tyler, his breath had been snatched from his chest. Ruby's curls fell messily across his forehead, and he could see minimal stubble dusted upon Ruby's jaw, along with all of his new, colourful tattoos that Tyler had not seen prior. The nose ring he wore was just a sliver of silver, but it accented the glow in his eyes and the gentle curve of his mouth into a ghost of a smile, as well as the royal or angelic halo that seemingly hovered above his head, that only seemed to be visible to Tyler himself.  
  
_'Your eyes say 'shada-dee-da-dum'._  
_Ruby, you're royalty. In your homeland they all call you Queen._  
_Tell me where are you from? Your eyes say 'shada-dee-da-dum'.'_  
  
Where had his Ruby been over the past three years? What had he been up to? Where did he come from out of the middle of nowhere? Where had he gone?  
**_He was with someone better. He only came back to you just to fuck with a charity case like you._**  
Tyler shook his head and wrapped himself tighter in his flower kimono. A shiver ran up his spine as he figured the voice was probably right...  
"Do you, uh, want anything to drink?"  
Tyler glanced up from where he sat upon Ruby's hotel room couch, but it was neither his nor a hotel, but rather, one of his friends' shitty dorm rooms on campus that was being shared with the rest of the Fall Out Boy gang.  
"N-No thanks." Tyler shook his head slowly, and Ruby disappeared for a moment before returning with a familiar slim can within his grasp- a can of RedBull.  
Ruby sat down upon the couch next to Tyler, sitting uncomfortably stiff with a small gap of space between their bodies. Tyler felt his body freeze and his breath catch as he craved, yet shunned the closeness between them.  
"Can I move... closer?" Came the soft, barely audible request that Tyler almost missed. Tyler responded with but a minimal shaking of his head to indicate that, no, Joshua William Dun, I will not fall back into you so helplessly.  
Then came the aching silence. Tyler could hear Ruby drinking his RedBull, the sharp swallowing of the energy drink almost too loud for Tyler's ears. The setting of the can upon the wood coffee table agonisingly shaking Tyler to his core, for he knew what would follow- Ruby would break the silence.  
"I have...no words for how good it is to see you again. I am so-"  
**_Charity Case._**  
Tyler stood with such ferocity that he caught sight of Ruby flinching slightly out of the corner of his eye.  
"I am not here to get back together. I am not your charity case. I am here for help, not for pity."  
Ruby blinked. Once. Twice.  
"O-Okay, yeah." He nodded, eyes slightly widened with shock at the sudden intensity of Tyler's words.  
Tyler cautiously sat back upon the couch, whereupon Ruby shifted uncomfortably and glanced up at Tyler nervously.  
"The voice? Is it getting... worse?"  
Tyler nodded in affirmation.  
"Is it the same stuff as... back then?"  
"Worse."  
"What is it about, Ty?"  
Tyler flinched at the nickname slipping from those perfect pastel lips, before responding.  
"Failure, worthlessness, being a burden, you."  
"M-Me?" Ruby stuttered, his mocha eyes widening in alarm, and Tyler nodded again in affirmation.  
"Yes, of course you. Always you. How you made me happy, your beauty, your talents, but also the regret, sorrow, and the ability to turn me into a suicidal headcase. How I deserved to be hurt, how numb and bone-achingly empty you made me feel. How I cannot trust anyone again, let alone make new friends. When you left, you took me with you. The blurry voice grows stronger, Joshua, and I deserve to drown in my demons. I called for your help to assist my demons. I want you to drown me. Abuse me. Make me nothing more than the charity case I am to you."  
Tyler took a breath, his chest simultaneously tight, yet free of all burden. Ruby could help him. Ruby could help him.  
**_Don't let me be-_**  
"N-No." Came the barely audible whisper, and Ruby looked up. His eyes were shining with what looked like pride, but turned out to be tears and melancholy. The whites of his eyes were coloured similarly to his hair, and his lips trembled as he sucked in sharp breaths, rubbing his face as he contemplated his words.  
"Tyler, I'm sorry. I-I was not... in the best state of mind back then, and regret everything. I will do a-anything, but I will not ever hurt you again. I promised myself that every day we've been apart, and when I stumbled across you, i-if I ever did again, I would do nothing to harm you-"  
**_Lies! Nothing matters. Turn away. You're weak, and asked him for help. Why did you even bother? You know he'll call the cops and you will never know what it feels like to not be a burden._**  
"Joshua, I deserve this."  
"No you don't, Tyler."  
**_Let me be gone. Let me be gone. Let me be-_**  
Tyler took the heel of his palm to his head in an attempt to jostle the voice, but ended in a headache and the voice growing louder.  
**_Face it, you can't trust anyone. You're in this alone, and I'm the only one to keep you company. I am the only one you can trust. Trust in me, and all your problems will fade. My name matters not, but know that I am the only one that cares what you think._**  
Tyler, once again, found himself agreeing with the voice in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was editing and looking over my past chapters, and the formatting is so whack I wanna die??? Also, I hate how ao3 makes you physically set the date you're posting a chapter, like fanfic.net automatically does it and I shouldn't be treated like this???  
> Anyhow, enjoy my dudes.


	11. Ever Since We Met...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're welcome in advance ;)

Brendon did not expect for his day to end like this.  
Tyler had left with Josh, and Brendon was handcuffed to a chair. In front of him stood the tall brunette who had flirted with him earlier.  
"This is your warning, don't let me catch you again, or you'll be in deep shit."  
The tall brunette before him nodded vigorously, and as much as Brendon wouldn't have minded being handcuffed in the presence of the brunette alone, they were being lectured for their unlawful and reckless behaviour at the music festival. Brendon was uncuffed from the chair and given a similar speech by the officer, also being left with a warning, before leaving the police station with the brunette at his side.  
"Wanna get dinner? My treat." A ghost of a smile appeared upon the lanky guy's face, and Brendon raised a brow in suspicion, not saying anything in response. As they reached the end of the short flight of stairs to the pavement, the guy turned toward Brendon, extending a hand in greeting.  
"Dallon. Dal, if you want."  
"Brendon."  
The extended hand by Dallon was shook in greeting, and his eyes gleamed with an emotion unknown to Brendon.  
"You didn't exactly have to introduce yourself. I've seen you with other guys when you played at The Røcktøp, and man, do I admire your band."  
Brendon let out a strained laugh and rubbed his neck.  
"We, uh, we were good back in the day I guess."  
"Oh. I-I'm sorry to hear about that." Dallon bowed his head in respect, continuing to waltz alongside Brendon.  
"Nah, it just... didn't work out for everyone. Jon wanted to take his own style and run with it. Spencer needed time for rehab, and Ryan... he, uh, left in Capetown."  
"What's past is past, Brendon, but if it makes any difference, I like you the way you are now."  
Brendon raised a questioning brow, and Dallon let out a small, breathy laugh.  
"You seem to be changing your style. I was at The Røcktøp the other night when you went on stage again, and I commend you for that. From what it sounds like, you've endured a lot of shit that you didn't deserve, but it's changed you for the better. You've developed as a musician, and I think that's the first step to getting better."  
Dallon shot him a grin, and Brendon felt his body freeze up. Dallon's smile was nothing short of something holy; his rouge lips separated to reveal sharp, yet stunningly white teeth that almost leered at Brendon at the same time as wanted him to draw closer in. It was almost as if Dallon was a deadly sin just waiting to be indulged in... but was he the kinda guy that would dump him on the curb after a one night stand? That smile seemed to indicate that he was the type to ejaculate and evacuate, and Brendon sometimes dabbled with those people now and then. Maybe he should take up that endearing smile and those handsome sea coloured eyes, because attachment wasn't exactly in the picture just yet, what with his past experience with Ryan, and Tyler not being ready for a relationship...  
"I... uh thanks." Was all Brendon managed in response to Dallon's words of wisdom and encouragement, ducking his head slightly in hopes of hiding his burning cheeks.  
"No problem, but I have a question I must ask you."  
Brendon glanced up, his eyes growing wide. No, he did not want to have se-  
"Where would you like to eat?"  
"Uh...? I don't mind, really."  
Dallon nodded, linking arms with Brendon and shooting him a ghost of a smile, which was nice, but nowhere near his full out grin he had displayed earlier.  
"Alright, then we'll go to the bar and grille just down the street."  
Brendon only nodded, before questions bogged his brain down. He wanted to know more about Dallon. Why had he shot off some sort of firework to allow him to sneak backstage? Where the ever loving fuck did the fireworks even come from? Did Dallon attend their university as well? He looked a bit older than Brendon...  
"How old are you?" Brendon blurted suddenly, and Dallon stopped in his tracks, but a slight smile crossed those rouge lips.  
"You're afraid that I'm old enough to be your dad? I'm not exactly opposed to being called 'daddy' I suppose..." Dallon trailed off and Brendon raised his brows in shock, his mouth falling open slightly. G-d, this guy was assuming kinks right off the bat?!  
"I'm kidding. You should've seen your face... 'M not that old- only twenty-six."  
"O-Oh." Brendon managed, and felt his heart race. Dallon was five years older than him, holy shit. It wasn't that big of an age gap, but still, it was pretty significant.  
"And you're at least twenty-one, unless you seduce the bartenders into not carding you."  
Brendon shook his head. "Twenty-one in April."  
Dallon nodded understandingly. "Took advantage of being able to drink when you came of age?"  
Brendon shrugged. He didn't want to talk about his illegal binge drinking prior to his birthday because of his and Ryan's breakup...  
Brendon's phone buzzed, and he picked it up on a whim, knowing who it was.  
"B-Bren I wanna go... Would you pick me up, pl-"  
"Anything for you, Ty." Brendon smiled and hung up, turning slightly toward Dallon, who just nodded.  
"I-I am so sorry Ty needs me, do you mind...?"  
"Not at all. Go help him." Dallon leaned close, his lips brushing against Brendon's cheekbone.  
"Until next time, Brendon." Came the barely audible whisper that danced upon his cheek, before he blinked, finding that Dallon had already vanished.  
What a Dal-emma Brendon had on his hands with that man.


	12. Let

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Homophobic Slurs + Internal Hatred

Regret. Tyler felt this after calling Brendon.

**_Nice job bothering him and handing him your burdens, faggot._ **

Tyler slammed his palm against his head as he had done earlier, attempting to clear his brain, but, like earlier, it was of no avail. It was about dusk, and he didn't want to hand Brendon all of his trouble or demons. Brendon would have to watch him struggle from just a room away for tonight, but he needed Brendon to stay not too far off, because Brendon was one of the last few things that kept Tyler tied down.

**_He's keeping you from fulfilling your lifelong dream of no longer being a burden..._ **

Fuck, Tyler didn't want to bother Brendon more than he already was... He could just walk back to their dorm room, right?

Blinding headlights stopped Tyler from drowning in his head for the time being, whereupon Brendon rolled down the window of his car and Tyler sluggishly made his way to the passenger seat.

"Ty, babe, are you okay?" Brendon's deep eyes flashed with concern and genuine worry, to which Tyler brushed him off.

"Yeah, 'm fine."

When they arrived back at the dorm, Tyler lay in bed staring at the ceiling that was the circa 1960's crumbly popcorn shit. In staring at the ceiling, he felt the voice make its timely return.

**_Break away from Brendon. He doesn't really need you, now does he? He'd be better off without you. You know what you have to do._ **

Tyler sighed to himself. Suicide wasn't a new topic that cropped up, it actually crossed his mind quite frequently. In current times, it crossed his mind at least once a day. As much as he would do anything to relieve his loved ones of one Tyler Robert Joseph, his doubts and fears held him back. What if his attempt failed in some respect? He'd just be another suicidal headcase at some locked down facility for whack jobs like himself. He'd never be able to see anyone he loved ever again, and he'd be under constant watch...

A gentle nudge stirred Tyler from his thoughts, and he glanced over to find Brendon with a cigarette dangling from his lips. His eyes were lined with what looked like bruises, but Tyler knew that Brendon's fatigue often ended with bruise-like bags under his eyes of varying shades of violets. Brendon, indeed, was exhausted. Tyler could tell, from his messy obsidian hair to the way his body was slightly slouched- as if he was carrying some sort of invisible burden.

**_A burden like you..._ **

"M've over." Brendon nudged his side and Tyler scooched over, making barely enough room for Brendon.

Brendon slid in next to him with ease, jostling the bed only for a moment to dig his lighter out of his jeans pocket. When he finished, the air was still and the only noise in the room was Tyler's breathing and Brendon taking drags of his cigarette.

"Ty, you're not okay."

"'M fine, Bren."

"Jackshit. You just won't tell me." Brendon muttered, his brows creasing as he blew out a thin stream of nicotine, its wisps dancing as they approached the shitty popcorn ceiling.

"You're not wrong." Tyler commented under his breath, and Brendon laced a hand behind Tyler's shoulder, taking one of his hands delicately.

"If you need me, I'm here."

**_You know that already. He pities you. His voice is too loud, and his lips open weird when he speaks to you._ **

Tyler felt his body suddenly coarse with electrifying hatred. He did hate how Brendon was so loud, and how he was almost constantly pestering Tyler and getting in his personal space. Fuck, Brendon  _ annoyed _ him.

"Leave me alone." Tyler set his jaw, and Brendon raised a brow at him, but moved not, so Tyler repeated himself, a bit more forcefully this time.

"Leave. Me. Alone."

"Ty, I-I can't, I-I don't need-"

"You don't need me. Go away. Leave. Get out." Fled the fragmented pleas from Tyler's pouty lips, his eyes growing more glassy and distant each fleeting moment.

"No, I'm not-"

"Please! Save yourself, Bren!" Came the spastic screeches, Tyler pushing himself up against where his bed met the corner of the wall, cowering.

**_Insanity. You're nuts. He'll make the call, and then you'll be in a mental hospital..._ **

Tyler sniffed heavily, choking back a sob as a fearful whimper escaped his throat. Saltwater burned his face and dripped off his jaw in drops that rapidly evolved into rivulets.

"No, no, n-no..." Was the garbled and melancholy incantation-like mantra that stuttered from Tyler's saltwater stained lips.

**_You want him to save himself? Your poison has already seeped inside of him, Tyler Joseph. He doesn't care about you, and claims he does because you've poisoned his mind. Stop the poison spread. Rid him of the burden of your poison by killing the source._ **

Tyler could almost see vines snaking their way from his being to grab hold of Brendon, and he somehow managed to recoil further against the wall. He had to stop himself from further poisoning Brendon.

**_Don't let me be-_ **

 


	13. If You Love Me, Let Me Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry I was on a break from classes, but I'm back.
> 
> *WARNINGS: Internalised Homophobia, self-hatred, etc etc.*
> 
> also if you want a spoiler for the next chapter, it's hidden behind this rot13 code:   
> guvf jnf ab nppvqrag, guvf jnf n gurencrhgvp punva bs riragf...

Opening his eyes was a chore, and his bleary vision was greeted with his and Brendon's dimly lit room. Before Tyler could process the mere idea of being trapped underneath another person's body, he could hear slight sniffling.

"Wa's gon' on?" Stumbled sleepily from his mouth, and Brendon's  face lifted up from where it had been buried in his chest. His eyes were enflamed and an ugly colour of almost a rash, clear liquid streaming from his eyes as if he had an infection. A heavy sniff and a watery whimper probed that he didn't have an infection, but rather, was choking back sobs.

"I-I held you 'til you fell asleep, 'n then you started having nightmares..." Brendon raked his fingers through his quiff and suppressed a sigh, his breath catching slightly. "You were screaming and crying and fuck, Ty-"

Brendon's voice broke off, and he buried his face into Tyler's chest, his tears searing Tyler's abdomen and a bit of drool unintentionally making its way to Tyler's skin. Tyler stroked Brendon's hair gently, attempting to sooth the stale cigarette scented mess of jet black into a semi decent style.

"Tyler..." Came the soft whisper from Brendon, his lips grazing Tyler's stomach and nearly sending shivers down his spine.

"Yeah, Bren?" Was the groggy reply, and Brendon sat up, gently moving off of Tyler and returning to the depths of his own blanket and covers. Tyler missed the warmth that Brendon provided and almost called out to him, or begged him to return to his side, but he couldn't.

**_You'll only hurt him more, as if you already haven't hurt him enough with that rejection of his affections..._ **

"Go."

That one word uttered from Brendon's lips hit Tyler full force, crushing his ribs and piercing his heart as if he had been physically hurt. He did physically hurt.

"W-What?"

"You were screaming for him, so go to him." Brendon's blunt reply was underlined with a slight growl of anger.

**_Look at what you've done._ **

"N-No, Bren-"

"Go, Tyler."

Pain electrocuted through him at Brendon's words. He threw off the duvet in a sudden rage, pulling on a shirt and jeans, slamming the door as he went. He grabbed for his shoes and laced them, not caring for socks as he left the room in a flurry. Down the hall he headed to one of the side exits of the building, entering the darkness of the world. It was cooler than he had expected, and matters were complicated by the presence of frigid bullets of water hailing from the sky. Thunder growled menacingly. Tyler just stood, a scowl carved upon his lips.

He didn't want to be pitied by Brendon, Josh, or anyone for that matter. It made him feel like a cup of hot coffee that's left to sit until it's forgotten. It made his blood boil and his fingers twitch as he withheld the desire to tear at something, anything. He didn't need any help. He could handle things on his own.

**_Just end it now..._ **

Tyler tilted his face up toward the obsidian blanket that lit up suddenly, followed by a rumble. The water pellets slapped at his face, making him shiver at the sudden cold upon his skin. It was almost as if Tyler could clear his mind more with every drop of water washing him away, bit by bit...

And suddenly, he was the sky. Vast, unknowable, yet so very grey and numb of life. He could pour his rain of problems upon others, but never truly was understood. Only he could understand himself, and in that moment, he realised that he was better off alone. He wished he could be as significant as a metaphor, let alone a metaphor for the entire sky itself, but he was just a human. A useless, worthless human who was destined for loneliness and despair.

**_You could change that. You don't have to be a human, you can be an idea._ **

An idea could never truly dissolve, and yet, it was not tangible. Tyler didn't have to be tangible, but his legacy of poison could still carry...

**_Seclude yourself. Sever the ties. Slow the tributaries of poison. Dry the world, save the victims, then end the source._ **

But therein lie the question: How? And: What if survival was the end result?

Tyler stood in the torrential downpour of heavy, frigid bullets of rain, his mind wandering and his thoughts tormenting him, just like the once peaceful rain. What if he just stood here and let the rain drum upon his face? What if he just starved and died slowly of hypothermia? He could just turn into archaic dust of a once living human and be washed into the storm drains by the floods of water hailing from the sky...

His moment was stolen from him. He snapped out of his thoughts as he felt the rain stop so suddenly, and opened his eyes to find a black awning over his head. Tyler glanced over to find someone's pale, delicate hands gripping the umbrella handle with such ferocity, and followed the appendages to find familiar marmalade hair and emerald eyes glazed over.

"Hey Tyler." Hayley clipped, and Tyler felt his heart waver. Hayley sounded almost... disappointed with him, and Tyler disliked it greatly.

"H-Hi."

Hayley's gaze was distant as she pursed her lips, letting the silence and weight of her greeting settle into Tyler's bones. After a moment, she sighed heavily.

"I don't know what happened at the festival, but I could hear most of went down with your roommate... Brendon, right?"

Tyler could only stiffly jerk his head 'yes' in response.

"He had no right to yell at you like that, but in his defense, going back to someone who-"

"No offense, but I'd rather you not nag me about my life choices. Yeah, he might have done things considered to be verbal and emotional abuse, but he knows my demons better than anyone else. He can help me."

"A-Abuse? From what I understood from him, you were just a past lover."

"He likes to omit the bad parts?" Tyler let out a scoff. "Interesting. I have the tendency to remember the entirety of our time together as a 'bad part'."

"Then why the fuck-?"

"He can help."

_ Right _ ?


	14. Camisado

 

Raking his fingers through his obsidian hair, Brendon let out a sigh, taking another swig of the amber scotch from his glass. He had his head tilted downward, picking at the engraving that read something about a wildflower upon the bar before him. It was the early hours of the morning, but there all seemed to be a decent crowd remaining, as well as those from Strip Tease Sunday- the holiest night of the week.

Despite the wolf calls and sensual music being played, Brendon found himself caring less about his usual sexual desires and more about Tyler Joseph. Fuck, Tyler had been screaming bloody murder and calling for  _ Josh _ of all people. Brendon felt his heart shatter as he realised that Tyler could never truly love him or continue to live a normal life because of that ruby-curled fuckwad.

Brendon felt a renewed surge of infuriation toward Josh. That bastard fucked up his precious doe-eyed brunette. Tyler deserved the world, not that shithead.

When Brendon glanced up for a split moment, it was as if some sort of holy deity had bestowed upon him what he desired most. Next to him sat the red-haired bastard, and a smirk pulled at Brendon's lips as he narrowed his eyes and traced the condensation along the lip of his glass of alcohol.

"Y'know, I find it funny that you'd be here of all places..." Brendon turned his body toward Josh, who glanced up, his eyes mirroring some indecipherable emotion to a wasted Brendon, who continued. "When you could be busy fucking up Tyler, both emotionally and physically."

Brendon felt his jaw set in fury as he imagined Josh taking advantage of his innocent Tyler...

"H-Hey, man, I came to drink in peace." Josh's eyes had grown more alert, and he didn't break eye contact as he took a sip from his long, thin can of RedBull.

"So did I, but I can't help but think about how my best friend woke me up with his screaming and his cries for  _ you _ ."

" _ Me _ ?" Came the barely audible whisper from Josh's lips, and Brendon couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Josh roughly by the shirt collar, shaking him threateningly, resisting the urge to bash him to a bloody pulp right then and there.

"He's in love with you, shithead, and I can't and won't keep him from living his life the way he wants. I, however, can keep you in line from hurting him, and so help me if you so much step a toe out of line-"

Brendon let out a low growl and released Josh with a shove, causing him to stumble minimally. Brendon wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, disgusted at his words and himself for not landing a fist on Josh, but Tyler would never forgive him if he did it. Brendon turned to saunter away and go somewhere other than here, when he was stopped dead in his tracks by a simple response.

"I can't promise you that."

Before he knew it, his fists were back on Josh's shirt collar, pinning the no-good scoundrel between him and the bar.

"Gimme one damn good reason."

Josh's eyes were glassy, his mouth hanging open slightly. No words passed his lips, making Brendon all the more infuriated.

"I'd beat the shit out of you, but you're lucky I'm not going to- for Tyler's sake. You treat him right, or I will not hesitate to turn you into roadkill, Dun."

Brendon let out a snarl as he pushed Josh away from him, wiping his hands on his jeans in disgust. He was repulsed that he had even touched that motherfucker, but if it scared him into being decent to Tyler, then it was worth it.

  
  
  



	15. Fake Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being gone so long. uni things + dealing with lots of travel, as well as family. tried to reconnect with the person that I made this fic for, but they blocked me on everything so that's great ::))) 
> 
> anyhow, enjoy

Even as morning broke, rain still drummed relentlessly against the land. By nine thirty in the morning, Tyler couldn't bring himself to fall asleep, thus instead watching the rain drum against the window of Hayley's dorm. Tyler had crashed at Hayley's not six hours prior, taking the empty bed that normally belonged to Hayley's roommate. Said roommate, Marina, was not returning for the night, and Tyler was able to envelope himself in the foreign lilac sheets that smelled faintly of fabric softener and perfume.

"Ty?"

A weight displaced the comforter under which he was nestled, Hayley's delicate hands playing with strands of his hair.

"Tyler, you can't mope all day."

Tyler snorted at her, in an indignant way that seemed to say, 'just watch me'.

"Your roommate will likely be worried. Brandon, right?"

"Brendon"

"Yeah, him. Josh will probably be worried sick, too."

Tyler threw the comforter off of him as he sat up with such ferocity, Hayley flinched.

"I don't care about Joshua. He ruined me. He turned me into the monster I am now. He fuelled me with his toxins. The only reason we are in contact is for him to remove his poisons from me. I'd rather burn in hell than have him pretend to care about me." Tyler snarled, storming off the bed and marching over to Hayley's side of the room and ransacking her closet for something to wear. Fabric in his clenched fists, he stalked off toward the bathroom to shower. He turned to water to a scalding temperature, praying it could sear his skin and clean him of his sins. The foreign shampoos and other products made him feel a sort of relief, reminding him that he could leave his past behind and start fresh...

But who was he kidding? No amount of strawberry shampoo or cherry blossom body wash could keep the horrors of his past at bay.

_ Fuck _ .

Tyler towelled himself off and tossed on the pastel shirt he'd grabbed from Hayley's closet with holes on the shoulders and adorned with baby blue flowers at the collar. He'd grabbed some loose light coloured jeans with fashionable rips, and slid them on with ease, given he was roughly the same size (in terms of curves) as Hayley. He mumbled a farewell, and was headed out the door, when he was grabbed by the collar of the shirt, resulting in stumbling backwards slightly.

"Hey fuckwad, this is yours," Hayley shoved a sack lunch into Tyler's arms, before kissing his hair and pushing him out the door.

He had little time to think about the kind gesture, as he was mentally preparing himself to return to his and Brendon's dorm. Tyler checked his phone to find that it was long before Brendon would even wake, and entered their room. He made a quick stop to pack his black backpack with supplies for his classes, before beginning to toss in some more important things. His lyric notebook, his wallet, a charger, his Ohio sweatshirt, a few pairs of underwear, his student ID, and a few other things were among those that weighed his backpack down. He wasn't sure how long it would be until his next return, and just out of sheer spite and the desire to piss him off more, Tyler stole Brendon's Not-So-Secret Secret stash of cigarettes and his favourite lighter.

 

Around five that evening, Tyler met up with Hayley to get situated in her room. He met her actual roommate, Marina, who was completely understanding of the whole ordeal, and patted Tyler's shoulder reassuringly, before heading out for the night. Hayley and Tyler left shortly after to grab some Chinese takeout, eating in the lobby of their dorm area. Many people were leaving for the weekend, and it took a moment to sink in that only two weeks had passed since stumbling into Joshua- two weeks of emotional strain and the strong resurfacing of the blurry-static voice in his head. Tyler rubbed his temples as he thought about how the Thanksgiving break was about a month away. He wasn't planning on returning to his family, and began to wonder if Hayley would be staying over the break...

Which was ridiculous, considering she had a family of her own and a boyfriend of many years. Tyler couldn't just ask her to stay here with him; selfishness was something he wished not to have on top of his various other problems...

"Wanna watch a movie tonight?" Hayley gently pulled him out of his thoughts, and he nodded, managing a small smile.

They headed back to the dorm, arms linked as they spoke softly to one another. The friendly whispers soon took on strained shouting, which faded as they continued down the corridor.

 

 

 


	16. Wishing To Be The Friction In Your Jeans

"There's no way-"

"Look, all I'm saying is that Rey is definitely not a Skywalker because she isn't a whiny bitch."

"The Skywalker men were whiny, I'll give you that, but the all powerful Skywalker women are a force- gettit?  _ force- _ to be reckoned with."

Joshua Dun blinked and glanced down the corridor, listening to the bickering between his beautiful Tyler Joseph and someone else. He was in an alcove of four open dorm doors, avoiding the party beginning to rage within at seven. Seven at night, dammit, why did they have to start so early?!

"But Obi-Wan and Rey are  _ clearly _ related with their sense of humour and their overall composure." Tyler's sweet voice, hardened with argumentative proof, rang clear as he came closer.

"Yeah but she is just as level-headed as Padmé, and has the flying skills of Anakin. This would also be why she and Kylo are polar opposites and why they have such a power struggle."

Josh stood suddenly, hiding himself just behind one of the doors in the alcove. From the crack, he could see Tyler Joseph round the corner in all his breathtaking glory, wearing pastels as he strode beside a girl with choppy marmalade hair and dark clothes. They looked like the epitome of ‘opposites attract’, and Josh could see the soft, genuine smile Tyler was giving this girl. He took a sip from his RedBull and nearly choked as he realised- the two were holding hands.

He tried to calm his racing heart by telling himself that Tyler usually held hands with his friends, yes, he did that a lot in high school...

The girl with marmalade hair tilted her head back and let out a laugh at whatever Tyler had said, making him sputter with embarrassment. She wiped tears from her eyes as she turned to look Tyler in the eyes, before kissing his cheek.

"You're cute when you're embarrassed, Ty."

It took every muscle in Josh's body not to throw open the door and start yelling at this girl. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse, Patrick Stump approached and was about to comment on his peeping, when he saw Hayley and threw open the door.

"Hey Peaches!"

The marmalade hair girl turned to beam in their direction, and Tyler turned slightly, his face twitching in some sort of emotion unknown to Josh.

"Good to see you, Professor Oak!" She waved jovially before the pair disappeared down the corridor into one of the rooms on the left.

Josh turned to raise a brow at Patrick, who shrugged.

"Since I'm Stump I'm, y'know, like Professor Oak from Pokémon? And she's just... Peaches because of the hair."

"That- That's not what I meant but okay." Josh shook his head, and Patrick clapped his shoulder, taking a sip from his rootbeer float.

"Suit yourself, Peeping Tom."

Patrick waltzed away, and Josh sighed. How had his life been reduced to shitty parties and yearning for Tyler Joseph while watching him from a crack in a door? He downed the last of his RedBull, and shook his head in pity at himself.

Josh could only wonder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I moved in to university! Wahoo! I've got a decent amount of time to fill, as my scheduled classes are for later in the afternoon and only go until roughly dinner, so hopefully updates will come more quickly... unless I'm proven horribly wrong, which I wouldn't doubt for a second.


End file.
